his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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