pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
