I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mom said you looked used
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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