there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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