Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
