Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
