I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
