that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
