super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
