Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
