just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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