i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
