You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
