I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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