Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
