the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
