Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
