You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
