kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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