I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
