I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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