i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
