I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
