i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
