I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
one might say we're banned from that church
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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