She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
