I just made out with a guy for $7.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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