my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
