Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
