Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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