evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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