i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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