Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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