it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
