Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
