I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You are the jesus of drinking
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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