Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
should my penis look like a turkey
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
