it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Randomize
