u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
