I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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