He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
