idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
