And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You've changed since you got that strap on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
