how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
