party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
