just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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