saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
