Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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