u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
