I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
