I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
