how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
